Like many people, your life has
changed in some way during the past months. Perhaps, you lost a loved one,
you’re not where you want to be in life or you’ve been forced to cut back on
leisure activities… perhaps even to the barest necessities. These changes or
losses may seem unfair. it is in these times of stress people tend to rely upon
familiar behaviors and ways of thinking. We tend to respond like victims or
survivors.
How are you reacting to your
current situation? Are you thinking of yourself as a victim of circumstance or
as a survivor who will weather the storm?
The victim views a crisis
situation as a threat. As a result, he or she becomes entrenched in feelings of
fearfulness, helplessness, and hopelessness. Fearfulness, because they don’t
know what lies ahead but they are convinced it isn’t good; helplessness,
because they have lost control over the situation and don’t see any way of
regaining control; and hopelessness, because to them the future looks pretty
bleak, and there’s no light on the horizon. It’s difficult for a person who
feels victimized to look forward to any source of pleasure or joy. He or she is
paralyzed in their victim mindset.
On the other hand, the survivor
views the same situation as a crisis, but is able to move through their initial
alarm to a state of mind that enables them to consider their options. They
engage in the process that unfolds throughout the days, weeks and months. While
fearfulness and helplessness may be elements of the process, they aren’t all of
what he or she feels. The survivor’s stance is colored by hope. As they
consider their options, their fearfulness diminishes because they realize that
all is not lost. The survivor also realizes that they haven’t completely lost
control over their situation, because if they’ve put their mind to it, they can
begin to form a plan. This goes to the core of what it means to be a survivor,
and is the main difference between the survivor and the victim.
The victims are wringing their
hands and crying, “Woe is me!” The survivors are discovering that they have
choices, both individually, and as part of a nation and a world. These choices
can improve our situation. Victims are attempting to hold on to life, as they
knew it before the crisis. Survivors are seeking to use their creativity to
re-create their lives in very basic ways.
It’s not always easy to create
new goals, to develop strategies for meeting those goals, and to stay focused
enough to achieve desired changes. Sometimes we need someone to hold us
accountable for the progress we say we want to make. It’s okay to seek out the
help of friends, family or even a therapist!
It is your choice whether you
feel like a victim or a survivor. Allow yourself time to feel saddened by the
loss of what you may have had, but let it be a survivor’s sadness. Don’t let it
paralyze you and prevent you from seeking new opportunities. Again, it is your
choice.
©2012 Journey To Self, All Rights
Reserved
