Celebrating Differences In A World Of Judgment

A quote by Audre Lorde, “It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences,” may best sum up the problem with an individual’s view of diversity. We can look at the world around us and see judgment of others. But, why? Why are we so intolerant of those that are different from us?

The simplistic answer is fear. The complicated answer is a lack of self-awareness. Recently, I interviewed C.J. Wilson. The interview was for another media outlet, but C.J. Wilson is a modern example of an uncelebrated difference, an intolerant difference. For readers who are unaware of who C.J. Wilson is, he is a professional athlete who adheres to the Straight Edge lifestyle. Straight Edge is mainly about clean living -- no alcohol, tobacco or caffeine. Our dear C.J. has received more than his fair share of slack simply by being different.

As a professional athlete, doesn’t this lifestyle make for the perfect role model? In a profession filled with bad behavior, of course it does. So why would this young man be called to the carpet for promoting a healthy and positive lifestyle? Because this lifestyle, forces us to look at ourselves, makes us question our own decisions and ultimately draws us to the conclusion that perhaps … we could do better for ourselves. C.J. is one very simple example of intolerance. If we step back and take time to get to know ourselves and begin to feel secure within whom we are, we are then free to enjoy and celebrate the differences of others.

©2013 Journey To Self, All rights reserved. 

Dealing With Negative People

When’s the last time you had to deal with a negative person? How did you handle it? Did you attack back, navigate through the situation with grace or walk away feeling bad about yourself?

Taking a moment to review a negative situation, while we’re calm, allows us to think about productive avenues for handling future negative people and situations. (Seriously reviewing any past situation allows us to think of better alternatives for the future.)

You may ask, why bother to have any forethought about our responses? The answer is simple; we damage ourselves by feeding into other people’s cycle of negativity!

Wherever we go, we are inevitably going to face people who are negative, people who oppose our ideas, people who piss us off or people who simply don’t like us. That’s the way life is, we are all, thankfully, different. Our differences are not the cause of conflict but they do trigger our emotions. Our emotions are what drive us back to our basic survival instinct of React and Attack. But, we have the ability to keep our emotions in check and control our responses.

Have you ever noticed that negativity spreads? I’ve found that if I’m around a negative minded person, their negativity starts to affect my thoughts and judgments. I’ve learned that when people initiate negativity, it is a direct reflection of their obvious self-dissatisfaction. People are often so bored and unhappy with their own lives that they want to bring others down too. Reacting to someone who is negative will only trigger anger and additional negative responses from that person. If we do respond, we have wasted our energy upon the unproductive. Energy wasted on negative people is energy that could have been spent on a million other, far more important issues.

Some people may have a less than articulate way of expressing themselves, it may even be offensive, but they are still entitled to do so. They have the right to express their own opinions and we have the right and willpower to choose our responses. There is a wonderful quote by Alex Noble, “If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day.” Noble sums up the true spirit of being at peace with one’s self. It’s a beautiful quote and perhaps one that we need to remember at the end of the day.

There is but one ride in this life … enjoy the journey!

©2010-2013 Journey To Self – All Rights Reserved

Stress and Finding A Balance

Everyone is affected by stress in one way or another. Managing stress, at times, can feel overwhelming. But, it is an issue of how we view and think about a trying situation, and then taking proactive actions.

You can peruse the Internet and find thousands of tips to combat stress, many of which are common sense actions such as, exercising, eating well and taking time for you … the list goes on. Have you ever thought about looking at the internal instead of the external?

Getting to know who you truly are is number one on my list of ways for combating stress. Be willing to take the time for introspection. I’m talking about real introspection, the type where you look at and acknowledge your faults, as well as your strengths. So what happens after you know all the pluses and minuses about you? You now have a healthy emotional arsenal to draw upon.

There is but one ride in this life … enjoy the journey!

©2010-2013 Journey To Self – All Rights Reserved 

Enjoying The Journey of Change

Ugh! Most of us don’t like change. After all it can be uncomfortable. But, if you've recognized that something in your life needs to change … you've already taken the first big step. And while it’s always important to be mindful of your feelings, it’s fairly easy to get caught up in the negative feelings versus embracing what will ultimately be a successful journey.

Thoughts to enjoy the journey:

1. Remember that you choose to make a change and trust in yourself.

2. When you begin to feel anxious or uncomfortable, embrace those feeling because they are part of the end result.

3. Take assessments often. If you take a step back and assess where you began in your journey, you can see how far that you’ve come toward change.

4. Give yourself a pat on the back. You took the steps to alter what wasn’t making you happy, don’t forget to reward yourself for your self-awareness and strength.

We can acknowledge that change isn’t easy, but it’s important to refocus your thoughts. With your new self-awareness, you can choose to shift your focus from negative and self-defeating thoughts to positive and fulfilling feelings.

There is but one ride in this life … enjoy the journey!

©2013 Journey To Self, All rights reserved. 

DLF Live to bring transcendental meditation to at-risk communities

The David Lynch Foundation announced June 4, the launch its new performance division, DLF Live. The launch will take place at the Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival on June 15. DLF Live will connect the power of arts and creativity to bring transcendental meditation (TM) to at-risk communities.

The launch will be marked by a screening of, “Meditation, Creativity, Peace,” a documentary highlighting filmmaker David Lynch and his decades-long dedication to TM and the arts. The screening is sponsored by the David Lynch Foundation (DLF) and will be hosted by James McCartney, musician and son of legend Paul McCartney and Bob Roth, Executive Director of DLF.

DLF Live will produce concerts, film festivals, stand-up comedy shows, film competitions, conferences and art events to support the work of the David Lynch Foundation. All proceeds will go towards DLF's work to bring healing through TM to underserved communities. One of DLF Live’s goals will be to raise funds to teach TM to 1,000,000 at-risk youth around the world over the next five years.

Why introduce TM to at-risk youth? The benefits of meditation have been studied and found to be an effective tool by the Harvard School of Medicine, the National Institutes of Health, the U.S. Department of Defense, the American Heart Association and the American Medical Association. Meditation. These studies have been proven to reduce acute and chronic stress and stress-related disorders, decrease anxiety and depression, help individuals overcome addictions and simultaneously develop the brain and creative potential of the individual for a healthy, productive and self-sufficient life.

DLF Live’s Board of Advisors includes music industry leaders Russell Simmons, Scooter Braun, Dan McCarroll and Craig Kallman. DLF has previously produced benefit concerts and events featuring Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Wynton Marsalis, Martin Scorsese, Ellen DeGeneres, Russell Brand and Dr. Mehmet Oz. For more information about DLF, please visit their website and for more information about the Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival screening, please visit Bonnaroo Cinema. 

Positive Affirmations During Your Journey Of Change

Change is usually not easy. Some people are highly adaptable to change, but most people like their “creature comforts” and become highly uncomfortable when life changes. But, part of true self-awareness is knowing that you need to change or that some aspect of your world needs to change.

Now that you’ve set out on your journey to a better world, you may begin to become uncomfortable and unsure. It’s the times when you are unsure that you need positive affirmations. Although positive affirmations may seem silly, these words are basically you parenting you. They are the words any loving parent would tell their child.

Review the following affirmations and be aware if one, or all, resonates with you:

• I am good.
• I am wanted.
• I am loved for the person that I am.
• My needs are not a burden.
• I am safe.
• I am a valuable person.
• I matter to those around me.

Perhaps the above affirmations didn’t faze you at all. My guess is that if you’ve gotten to this point of the article, one or more probably did. Remember throughout your journey to take time to comfort yourself. It’s okay to care about yourself!

©2013 Journey To Self, All rights reserved.

Choosing Happiness: The Achievable Possibility

Many people believe that they can only feel happiness when everything is going well in their lives. We tend to need a reason or situation to be happy. But, what if we changed our thought process about happiness and made a conscientious choice to be happy? Feeling joy and happiness can be achieved by making a choice to do so.

Put things into perspective. Most people do not live the ideal life and life brings us challenges on a daily basis. Have you stopped to think about how bad it really is? I’m talking about a true assessment of your life situation. Are you homeless, terminally ill, has your family disowned you? Get the picture? For the record I had a terminally ill sibling, who smile everyday for the time that they had left. That is not to say that everyone could or should be able to smile in the face of extremely difficult situations, nor is to judge the level of difficulty of another human being. However, it is to make a point about self-awareness and our personal choices.

Acknowledging that no one can gauge another person’s tolerance for life’s stress and that less extreme situations can legitimately feel as bad as any. Another thought is to remember that when things feel as if you’ve hit rock bottom, then there’s only up right? Better days will come and this is something to look forward to and smile about.

If you aren’t able to acknowledge that better days are one their way, are you able to be thankful for whatever is positive in your life? Stop and think about all the conveniences that you take for granted and be thankful for them. Conveniences such as a roof over your head, food, clean water, and a warm bed. These things are actually more then conveniences, they are luxuries to many. If you can feel grateful for what you have, let that gratitude turn into happiness.

“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, I’m Possible!” ~Audrey Hepburn

©2013 Journey To Self, All rights reserved.

The Valentine’s Day Letdown: Is It Time To Move On?

Dr. Michelle Callahan

While many of your friends may have enjoyed receiving a sweet Valentine, your sweetie may have been quite a disappointment. I refer to this as the Valentine’s Day Letdown. What you thought was going to happen with your relationship, simply didn’t, and this has left you wondering if it’s time to move on.

What you may be experiencing is likely born from a lack of communication and unrealistic expectations. Moving in with your sweetie may have seemed like an awesome choice, but after the major Valentine’s Day Letdown, you now know that it’s time to move on. If you’ve reached the point where you’re attempting to figure out how to move on, fortunately you’re not alone, as relationship expert Dr. Michelle Callahan has shared advice with Journey To Self regarding the best way to figure out which one of the two of you should stay and who should go.

Dr. Michelle offers the following:

• Who lived there first? Probably the easiest way to determine who should get the space is to decide based on who lived there first. The person whose name is on the lease usually gets first priority. If the person whose name is on the lease decides to give the space to their partner, that person should be sure to get the lease transferred to their name so they have a legal right to live there.
• Who can afford to move? A recent study conducted by Rent.com found that 33 percent of renters said they continued to live with their former partner after a break-up because they couldn’t find an apartment they could afford. After sharing rent and household expenses, it becomes a challenge for people to save enough money to find an apartment they can afford on their own, in addition to moving expenses and a new security deposit. 
• Who needs the space? If one person works from home or cares for children or pets living in the home, that person likely has a greater need to maintain consistency and remain at that location. If the apartment is particularly close to one person’s job, that’s another benefit that might tip the scales in their direction.
• Who loves the space the most? Sometimes one person has grown very personally attached to the space. They may have invested a lot of time in decorating or selecting that apartment and as a result they feel more attached to the space. 
• Who wants to separate sooner than later? The breakup may be more painful for one partner than the other. In that case, the person who finds it hardest to share the physical space with their Ex may be more likely to voluntarily leave the apartment in the interest of their own well-being.

Dr. Michelle is a renowned psychologist, author, and the host of “Wedlock or Deadlock” who is also a popular guest on Dr. Oz, Rachael Ray, The Talk, Oprah and the Today Show. For more tips about relationships, visit Dr. Michelle’s website at drmichelle.com.

©2013 Journey To Self, All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced without prior permissions from the author.

Working On Self-Esteem

What do you like about yourself? Are you proud of yourself? If these questions make you feel uncomfortable, or you cannot answer them, chances are that you have a problem with self-esteem. Why is that? Why do so many people basically dislike themselves? Why are we embarrassed to "esteem" ourselves?

Self-esteem comes from the inside out. It is a core identity issue, essential to personal validation and our ability to experience joy. Once achieved, it comes from the inside out. But it is beaten or stunted from the outside in. A person with a positive self-image is not dependent upon anyone else to make him or her feel good about themselves, because they already know that they are fine just the way they are. These people are confident and aware of their strengths and abilities.

A person with low self-esteem does not feel good about himself or herself because they have absorbed all the negative messages around them. Low self-esteem can lead to poor decision making in one’s personal and professional life. Worse yet, low self-esteem passes from parent to child. Parents are modeling what it is to be a “man” or a “woman” and here within lies dangerous territory leaving children of parents with esteem issues, more vulnerable to abusive relationships.

A person with low self-esteem has no control over their life because their personal validation is met by outside factors. But that can change. You can reach out and begin the path toward emotional healing and a positive self-image. You can choose your own identity. You can discard the negative images and replace it with something healthy. Nobody is perfect, but everyone is worthwhile. Believe in yourself!

©2012 Journey To Self, All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced without prior permissions from the author.

Low Self-Esteem and The Jealousy Factor

I think that it was Marilyn Monroe who said, “You're no one until someone hates you.” It is true that people will dislike you once you attain a level of success and it is also rather sad for those who have feelings of dislike, or even hate, towards you for the simple fact of your success.

It is at this time that our personal self-awareness is most helpful. Being self-aware and knowing who you are allows you to forgive those that spew venom towards you for your successes. But what if you are the person filled with hateful jealousies toward another?

The simplistic answer for your jealousy is that you are unhappy with yourself and suffer from low self-esteem. And it’s easier to “dislike or hate,” (which in essence is veiled jealousy), a person that you perceive to be successful. You may even believe that the target of your dislike is unjustifiably successful.

Digging deeper, this jealousy that you feel toward another is actual fear of what you, yourself lack. It is much, much easier to point a finger at someone else then to take time for introspection. Personal introspection means that you will have to face your personal demons and come to terms with the fact that you are not happy with where you are in your life journey.

If you find that your consistently focusing hateful feelings towards another, it’s time to take a step back and take a good, long look at yourself. Ask yourself – Has this person sincerely wronged me or is this my personal misperception? Does this person affect my life? Why am I angry with this person? If you are absolutely truthful to yourself, you will find that this person has not wronged you, does not affect your life, and that you’re angry with this person because of your own unhappiness and low self-esteem.

My personal journey brought me to a place of only ever being in competition with myself. But, you can’t get to that place or even understand it until you put in the work to become comfortable with who you are. Attaining self-esteem is a journey that begins with introspection and ends with happiness. In between introspection and happiness is where all the hard work is.

©2012 Journey To Self, All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced without prior permissions from the author.

Are You A Victim or A Survivor?

Like many people, your life has changed in some way during the past months. Perhaps, you lost a loved one, you’re not where you want to be in life or you’ve been forced to cut back on leisure activities… perhaps even to the barest necessities. These changes or losses may seem unfair. it is in these times of stress people tend to rely upon familiar behaviors and ways of thinking. We tend to respond like victims or survivors.

How are you reacting to your current situation? Are you thinking of yourself as a victim of circumstance or as a survivor who will weather the storm?

The victim views a crisis situation as a threat. As a result, he or she becomes entrenched in feelings of fearfulness, helplessness, and hopelessness. Fearfulness, because they don’t know what lies ahead but they are convinced it isn’t good; helplessness, because they have lost control over the situation and don’t see any way of regaining control; and hopelessness, because to them the future looks pretty bleak, and there’s no light on the horizon. It’s difficult for a person who feels victimized to look forward to any source of pleasure or joy. He or she is paralyzed in their victim mindset.

On the other hand, the survivor views the same situation as a crisis, but is able to move through their initial alarm to a state of mind that enables them to consider their options. They engage in the process that unfolds throughout the days, weeks and months. While fearfulness and helplessness may be elements of the process, they aren’t all of what he or she feels. The survivor’s stance is colored by hope. As they consider their options, their fearfulness diminishes because they realize that all is not lost. The survivor also realizes that they haven’t completely lost control over their situation, because if they’ve put their mind to it, they can begin to form a plan. This goes to the core of what it means to be a survivor, and is the main difference between the survivor and the victim.

The victims are wringing their hands and crying, “Woe is me!” The survivors are discovering that they have choices, both individually, and as part of a nation and a world. These choices can improve our situation. Victims are attempting to hold on to life, as they knew it before the crisis. Survivors are seeking to use their creativity to re-create their lives in very basic ways.

It’s not always easy to create new goals, to develop strategies for meeting those goals, and to stay focused enough to achieve desired changes. Sometimes we need someone to hold us accountable for the progress we say we want to make. It’s okay to seek out the help of friends, family or even a therapist!

It is your choice whether you feel like a victim or a survivor. Allow yourself time to feel saddened by the loss of what you may have had, but let it be a survivor’s sadness. Don’t let it paralyze you and prevent you from seeking new opportunities. Again, it is your choice.

©2012 Journey To Self, All Rights Reserved 

The importance of self-awareness

Self-awareness is a way for us to explore our individual personalities, value systems, beliefs, natural inclinations, and tendencies. Because we are all different in the way we react to situations, learn, and process information, it’s helpful to spend time in self-reflection to gain a better insight into ourselves.

But, why is self-awareness important? Self-awareness is important because when we have a better understanding of who we truly are and with this knowledge we are empowered to make changes and to build on our areas of strength as well as identify areas where we would like to make improvements. Self-awareness is the first step towards setting goals for ourselves.

If you’re still perplexed as to what self-awareness is, ask yourself a few questions:

• Do you listen to others during a conversation? Or, do you tend to do a lot of the talking?
• Do you ask others how they feel about situations? Or, do you make assumptions based on your own feelings?
• Do you think about how your actions affect others? Or, are you confident that others are fine with how you handle situations?
• Are you aware of other people’s social cues? Or, do you mostly focus on your own?
• Can you admit when you are wrong, and have apologized when you are? Or, do you tend to think that things are wrong or go bad because of others?

If you answered yes to most of the first questions in each pair, you are most likely self-aware. If you answered yes to most of the second questions in each pair, you probably need to spend some time practicing how to tune into other people’s reactions and also spend time getting to know yourself.

The bottom line is that self-awareness will give you the ability to be open, thoughtful and aware of how your actions impact others. Self-awareness is one of the most valuable qualities that you can possess as a human being.

There is but one ride in this life … enjoy the journey! 

©2010-2013 Journey To Self – All Rights Reserved 

Tips For Increasing Your Personal Power

Taking the time to invest in a solid self-assessment of our self-awareness can increase your personal power. So, what is personal power? A good way to think of personal power is to associate it with self-confidence. In other words, it is an inner belief in our ability to attain our goals and achieve the things we want in life. Those who possess a highly developed level of personal power believe they can set the direction of their lives and, in fact, they do.

Here are a few tips that can help you build your personal power:

Make a list of your strengths. Keep a journal of what you feel are your significant accomplishments. Ask yourself where you excel and this will lead you to identify your strengths. The objective of writing your accomplishments and the feelings that surround them is to help you to envision how you feel when using your strengths and succeeding. Remember, emotions and feelings, especially positive ones, will be powerful motivation towards your life goals.

Ask for feedback. Don’t hesitate to ask for input about your actions from a trusted friend or family member. Insight from others can prove to be an invaluable resource in helping you recognize how well you handle various situations, and point to areas where you can grow even stronger.

Move on from failures. Don’t dwell on what you consider to be a failure. Failures are not life lasting or permanent. A perceived failure is an excellent time to do some real self-assessing. Take the time to recognize what you can learn from whatever misstep, and then take that information and apply it to future situations.

©2012 Journey To Self, All rights reserved.

How Enhancing Self-Awareness Increases Your Emotional IQ

Enhancing our self-awareness begins the journey to achieving higher emotional intelligence, or increasing our EQ. We simply must be aware of our own emotions before we can manage them effectively. Self-awareness of our emotions also helps us to empathize, so we can better understand what others are experiencing.

People with high emotional self-awareness know how they feel at any given time, can identify the source of those feelings and can recognize how the feelings manifest in physical symptoms, such as sweaty palms, headaches and panic attacks.

To begin enhancing emotional self-awareness start with these three steps:

1. “Check in” with yourself. Set aside time during your day to assess your emotional state. Ask yourself a series of questions and answer them honestly. You might ask: What am I feeling? What is the source? How are these feelings manifesting themselves in my body? Am I experiencing tenseness in my shoulders, clenched teeth, feeling fatigued, anxiety, fear or joy?
2. Identify your emotions. Once you determine what and how you feel, if you learn to identify these emotions, it can help you identify the source or “trigger” of negative feelings. Some common examples of labels for emotions include anger, fear and surprise. Write down the identified emotions, along with your thoughts on what you think triggered each specific emotion. Once you can identify the source of a feeling and see it on paper, what you need to do to improve your response to a trigger becomes clearer.
3. Be in the moment. “Listen” to what your emotions and feelings might be telling you at any given moment. You can learn to use the information you “hear” from within to gain added insight and guidance in working through an issue or problem.

From a goal-setting point of view, it is crucial for you to possess high levels of emotional self-awareness. In other words, effectively achieving your personal goals will require an acute understanding of how feelings can affect your behavior, mood and performance.

©2012 Journey To Self All Rights Reserved