A Look At Addiction To Sadness

Perhaps addiction to a specific emotion or feeling may not be what enters one’s mind when speaking to addiction. But by definition, addiction is “a strong and harmful need to regularly have something or do something”. And that something can just as easily be to an emotion as it can be to a drug or behavior such as thrill-seeking.

When we look at addiction to sadness, we must first acknowledge that there is a difference between purposefully seeking a state of emotional sadness and the medical illness called depression. Depression is far more than an occasional case of “the blues” and should never be taken lightly by the sufferer or the support persons.

This writer would be remiss if she didn’t share two vital pieces of information regarding depression, prior to diving into sadness addiction. If you have any inkling that you are depressed, please visit the Mayo Clinic website for its “Depression Self-Assessment” test. If you feel that you’re in crisis or just need to talk, call the US National Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Readers, please do not confuse this with, or, dismiss a person who is struggling with situational, seasonal, or clinical depression.

An addiction to sadness is where one purposefully remains in an emotional state of sadness. It is no different then an addiction to drama, where one purposefully seeks out life drama and chaotic situations. Although the root causes between drama and sadness addictions are quite different. For the person addicted to sadness, it stems from an unhappy and lonely childhood where sadness was an often-felt emotion. Due to the emotional familiarity, sadness becomes that person’s evil best friend.

Signs of the sadness addict can be a person who, no matter how much positivity life brings their way, simply dismisses it and turn to negative feelings. This person may choose to listen to “lovelorn” music, even when in a solid relationship, in order to evoke sad emotions. In speaking to them you will find that any conversation will turn to the negative aspect of whatever you may be discussing. The sadness addict literally feels safe to stay within the “comfort” of their sadness because it is a familiar place to be. Have you identified yourself or someone close to you?

This writer is not a clinician and does not dole out medical advice, just life observation. For the sadness addict, eventually as with any addiction, there is a price to pay. Left untreated by a legitimate specialist, the sadness addict will inevitably lose friends, relationships, and fail to grow to a healthy emotional state. Again, sadness addiction is not to be confused with or compared to depression.

*Medical Advice Disclaimer: The information included in this article is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult his or her healthcare provider.

©2013 Journey To Self, All rights reserved. 

How To Get To Healing When Your Partner Cheats

Life can take us through the most trying times. After all, no one ever promised that life was going to be easy. But, it is the way in which we navigate through the difficult times that defines us.

The subject of healing came to the forefront of my mind, after having written an article, “Onlinerevenge for scorned women,” about a website called “Shesahomewrecker.com”. It was a saddening situation to see so many women focusing upon the most negative aspects of their life trials. The site encourages a woman who’s been cheated on to “name and shame” the other woman. Where is the healing in that?

No one can take away from the pain that a person feels when a partner has lied and broken a sacred trust. But, posting information about such situations, in a fashion that encourages the injured party to continue to remain in an angry and painful place, is simply exploitive on the part of the site’s owners, and detrimental to the person who is hurting.

In the simplest and most basic terms, the path to healing one’s self begins with one’s self. After finding out that your partner has cheated, it isn’t about your partner or the “other woman,” it’s about you. You are the injured party and your feelings come first. I can’t tell you what’s going to make you feel better because there is no “one-size-fits-all” answer to healing. What I can tell you is that focusing on your partner or the “other woman” is pointless.

Again, it isn’t about them. Don’t waste your precious life energy wondering about the “other woman” because she is a non-factor in your healing process and is most assuredly a broken person. Why is she a broken person? Because she chose to cheapen her value by being with a person who was in a committed relationship. Don’t waste your precious life energy worrying about how to “win” your partner back because it was your partner who wronged you, therefore it is your partner’s responsibility to heal the relationship if and when you’re ready. Your path to healing from the betrayal is yours. Own it, embrace it, and you will come through to the other side a much stronger person.

©2013 Journey To Self, All rights reserved. 

Getting Back To Center

In today’s society, it’s rather easy to get off track or to deviate from the center of ourselves. We get caught up in pure minutia and find that we’re swirling without true direction. So, how can we find our way to center?

Backtracking for a moment, and taking an exploratory look at how we got off center, we find that this didn’t just happen. We didn’t wake up one day and find ourselves overwhelmed. Falling to the right or left of center happened in a series of events and through our own lack of diligently paying attention to what’s truly important in our own private world.

For example, this writer expresses on a myriad of topics and can easily find herself completely off track by simply getting caught up in projects, deadlines and the never-ending cycle of finding avenues to get information out to readers. When this reaches a point of fatigue, it’s then that the ultimate realization hits that no one is going to die if they haven’t read the latest “how-to” about beauty and dating or top news for sports, women’s issues, and pop culture. This writer is but one in a sea of thousands. Returning to center requires a level of humility.

You need to humble yourself and accept that what you do, no matter how important it may seem, most likely isn’t life or death and that you have permission to take time for introspection. Introspection is needed to find your way back to center. Take the time to quiet your mind and find the valuable in your own private world. Is it your partner, children, family, or friends? When you are able to answer this question, you can move forward and reach out to the valuable and begin to find your way back to center.

Learning to relax, really relax

In our never-ending busy, “gotta get it done” world, we are generally unaware of the toll that this type of lifestyle takes on our minds and on our bodies. Well, we’re unaware until we reach a crisis of some sort and yes, the crisis is inevitable if we continue on a path of non-stop movement. Of course for many of us, the first thoughts that pop into our mind are, “I can’t slow down, I have too much to accomplish” and “I relax, I relax on the weekends”.

Let’s take a look at the first thought. “I can’t slow down, I have too much to accomplish”. Really? Is anyone going to die if you don’t … Fill In The Blank? Take a step back and take a moment of introspection. Ask yourself if everything that you need to do each day really needs to be accomplished. With true introspection, the answer will most likely be that you don’t need to get everything finished in one day. This is not an advocacy for being lazy; it’s a look at what’s truly important to you and a step towards self-awareness.

If we look at that first thought a little closer, and remember that nothing is going to get accomplished if you’re unable to function, this may give you good pause to think, discern and get closer to true self-awareness. Moving on to the next thought, “I relax, I relax on the weekends”. If you’re a truly busy person, you most likely are on the go just as much on the weekend as you are throughout the week. Learning to truly relax can actually be uncomfortable for those of us who are hardcore workaholics. So, how can we attain a real state of relaxation?

First, you must know that this takes practice and secondly, realize that once you’ve mastered true relaxation, you’ll be able to be in a relaxed state in the middle of a board meeting. There are a variety of ways in which to achieve relaxation, it’s up you to figure out what works for you as an individual.

Some examples of reaching a relaxed state are:

• Aromatherapy
• Guided Imagery
• Massage
• Meditation
• Progressive Muscle Relaxation
• Yoga

Check back as we break down each of these relaxation techniques! There is but one ride in this life … enjoy the journey!

Celebrating Differences In A World Of Judgment

A quote by Audre Lorde, “It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences,” may best sum up the problem with an individual’s view of diversity. We can look at the world around us and see judgment of others. But, why? Why are we so intolerant of those that are different from us?

The simplistic answer is fear. The complicated answer is a lack of self-awareness. Recently, I interviewed C.J. Wilson. The interview was for another media outlet, but C.J. Wilson is a modern example of an uncelebrated difference, an intolerant difference. For readers who are unaware of who C.J. Wilson is, he is a professional athlete who adheres to the Straight Edge lifestyle. Straight Edge is mainly about clean living -- no alcohol, tobacco or caffeine. Our dear C.J. has received more than his fair share of slack simply by being different.

As a professional athlete, doesn’t this lifestyle make for the perfect role model? In a profession filled with bad behavior, of course it does. So why would this young man be called to the carpet for promoting a healthy and positive lifestyle? Because this lifestyle, forces us to look at ourselves, makes us question our own decisions and ultimately draws us to the conclusion that perhaps … we could do better for ourselves. C.J. is one very simple example of intolerance. If we step back and take time to get to know ourselves and begin to feel secure within whom we are, we are then free to enjoy and celebrate the differences of others.

©2013 Journey To Self, All rights reserved. 

Dealing With Negative People

When’s the last time you had to deal with a negative person? How did you handle it? Did you attack back, navigate through the situation with grace or walk away feeling bad about yourself?

Taking a moment to review a negative situation, while we’re calm, allows us to think about productive avenues for handling future negative people and situations. (Seriously reviewing any past situation allows us to think of better alternatives for the future.)

You may ask, why bother to have any forethought about our responses? The answer is simple; we damage ourselves by feeding into other people’s cycle of negativity!

Wherever we go, we are inevitably going to face people who are negative, people who oppose our ideas, people who piss us off or people who simply don’t like us. That’s the way life is, we are all, thankfully, different. Our differences are not the cause of conflict but they do trigger our emotions. Our emotions are what drive us back to our basic survival instinct of React and Attack. But, we have the ability to keep our emotions in check and control our responses.

Have you ever noticed that negativity spreads? I’ve found that if I’m around a negative minded person, their negativity starts to affect my thoughts and judgments. I’ve learned that when people initiate negativity, it is a direct reflection of their obvious self-dissatisfaction. People are often so bored and unhappy with their own lives that they want to bring others down too. Reacting to someone who is negative will only trigger anger and additional negative responses from that person. If we do respond, we have wasted our energy upon the unproductive. Energy wasted on negative people is energy that could have been spent on a million other, far more important issues.

Some people may have a less than articulate way of expressing themselves, it may even be offensive, but they are still entitled to do so. They have the right to express their own opinions and we have the right and willpower to choose our responses. There is a wonderful quote by Alex Noble, “If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day.” Noble sums up the true spirit of being at peace with one’s self. It’s a beautiful quote and perhaps one that we need to remember at the end of the day.

There is but one ride in this life … enjoy the journey!

©2010-2013 Journey To Self – All Rights Reserved

Stress and Finding A Balance

Everyone is affected by stress in one way or another. Managing stress, at times, can feel overwhelming. But, it is an issue of how we view and think about a trying situation, and then taking proactive actions.

You can peruse the Internet and find thousands of tips to combat stress, many of which are common sense actions such as, exercising, eating well and taking time for you … the list goes on. Have you ever thought about looking at the internal instead of the external?

Getting to know who you truly are is number one on my list of ways for combating stress. Be willing to take the time for introspection. I’m talking about real introspection, the type where you look at and acknowledge your faults, as well as your strengths. So what happens after you know all the pluses and minuses about you? You now have a healthy emotional arsenal to draw upon.

There is but one ride in this life … enjoy the journey!

©2010-2013 Journey To Self – All Rights Reserved