Journey To Self

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Positive Affirmations During Your Journey Of Change

Change is usually not easy. Some people are highly adaptable to change, but most people like their “creature comforts” and become highly uncomfortable when life changes. But, part of true self-awareness is knowing that you need to change or that some aspect of your world needs to change.

Now that you’ve set out on your journey to a better world, you may begin to become uncomfortable and unsure. It’s the times when you are unsure that you need positive affirmations. Although positive affirmations may seem silly, these words are basically you parenting you. They are the words any loving parent would tell their child.

Review the following affirmations and be aware if one, or all, resonates with you:

I am good.
I am wanted.
I am loved for the person that I am.
My needs are not a burden.
I am safe.
I am a valuable person.
I matter to those around me.

Perhaps the above affirmations didn’t faze you at all. My guess is that if you’ve gotten to this point of the article, one or more probably did. Remember throughout your journey to take time to comfort yourself. It’s okay to care about yourself!

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Choosing Happiness: The Achievable Possibility

Many people believe that they can only feel happiness when everything is going well in their lives. We tend to need a reason or situation to be happy. But, what if we changed our thought process about happiness and made a conscientious choice to be happy? Feeling joy and happiness can be achieved by making a choice to do so.

Put things into perspective. Most people do not live the ideal life and life brings us challenges on a daily basis. Have you stopped to think about how bad it really is? I’m talking about a true assessment of your life situation. Are you homeless, terminally ill, has your family disowned you? Get the picture? For the record I had a terminally ill sibling, who smile everyday for the time that they had left. That is not to say that everyone could or should be able to smile in the face of extremely difficult situations, nor is to judge the level of difficulty of another human being. However, it is to make a point about self-awareness and our personal choices.

Acknowledging that no one can gauge another person’s tolerance for life’s stress and that less extreme situations can legitimately feel as bad as any. Another thought is to remember that when things feel as if you’ve hit rock bottom, then there’s only up right? Better days will come and this is something to look forward to and smile about.

If you aren’t able to acknowledge that better days are one their way, are you able to be thankful for whatever is positive in your life? Stop and think about all the conveniences that you take for granted and be thankful for them. Conveniences such as a roof over your head, food, clean water, and a warm bed. These things are actually more then conveniences, they are luxuries to many. If you can feel grateful for what you have, let that gratitude turn into happiness.

“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, I’m Possible!” ~Audrey Hepburn

Friday, April 12, 2013

Five Tips For Managing Stress At Work

April is National Stress Awareness Month and with this in mind, now is probably a good time to think about one of our greatest stressors … work. Since studies show that Americans dedicate an average of 80% of our waking hours to work related activities, it would make sense that work related issues contribute to the majority of our stress.

Most of us can’t quit our jobs and quite frankly, quitting your job is not going to lesson your stress. Taking a step back and reframing both how you view your work life and how you manage your work life, can improve your quality of life. Check out these five quick and easy tips, try one or two and see the difference that they can make.

1. Plan your activities: It is important to timetable responsibilities, both on a daily basis and long-term. Plan out the, what, why, how, when, and who will do the job. By placing specific duties into a timeframe, you’ll be able to easily identify the weak link, address the issue and move forward.

2. Organize your time on a daily basis: Make a list of issues; give priority to the most important or the most pressing issues. At the end of each day check what you’ve completed. If you find that certain tasks or issues are not being addressed, re-evaluate your list.

3. Don’t hesitate to ask: In the fast paced world of today’s workplace, tasks and responsibilities often change. It is hardly a black mark against you to ask a question if you are unsure. However, not getting clarification and failing to deliver, will be.

4. Contribute to a positive environment at work: Be open for discussions, have good communication with others and do not be afraid of positive critique. Keep in mind individual differences, some people perform better under pressure, others need more time to organize their work. Knowing the work style of your colleagues is a positive when a project needs to be completed.

5. Take a break and delegate: Yes, you are allowed to take a breather. Break for a few minutes several time throughout the day and learn how to let go. For any Type A personality, delegating responsibilities can be tricky. But learning to delegate responsibility is necessary unless you prefer burnout.

Not a single one of the above tips are going to solve your work stress, but they will help you to begin to identify specific areas where you are able to begin to make changes. In my opinion, an area to really focus upon is a positive work environment. For those that are in supervisory positions, you set the tone of the work environment. Having a positive and energetic attitude is infectious and will help your employees to feel more positive … leading to more productivity and less stress for you.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Love and The Drama Addiction

Despite that many little girls are indoctrinated with stories about prince charming, the “need” to find a partner is not gender specific. Society programs us to find that special someone and we’re inundated with messages that conflict and drama equal passion and love. But, what is drama addiction in a romantic relationship?

In short, drama addiction is exactly what it says … addiction to drama. And like any other addictions, it involves a craving and compulsion. In the case of drama addiction with love, the behavior of the drama addict is an overreaction to any situation in which the addicted person perceives to have been slighted by their partner.

We’ve all witnessed this type of behavior in teens. Jack sees his girlfriend Becky chatting with another guy and in Jack’s mind, Becky MUST be interested in the other guy. Or perhaps it’s Becky who witnesses Jack exchanging pleasantries with a classmate and boom … drama! We can give a bit of latitude with teens because they’re still developing, but it’s a completely different issue when the drama follows into adulthood.

Ultimately, the adult drama addict is driven by deep-seeded insecurities. They are unhappy with themselves and must have control over every aspect of their world with a very specific focus on their partner’s life. They need to know everything that’s going on in their partner’s world including work, friends and family. They need to judge the people in their partner’s life. They need to be the go-to person regarding everything that transpires in their partner’s world.

The bottom line is that the drama addict must be the center of attention at all times. Veer from the drama addict’s plan in anyway and what you will witness is a temper tantrum on the scale of a two-year-old. Why does the drama addict act this way? Arrested development! But, a break down of arrested development is a whole other beast.

Aside from the obvious unhealthy issues within a relationship where one partner is addicted to drama, there is often a sad scenario where the drama addict has found a sincere and loving partner. For the drama addict, a sincere and loving partner can increase the need for drama. The drama addict is literally uncomfortable experiencing healthy love. As with any addiction, the addict must first recognize that there’s a problem before they can get on the road to recovery.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Relational Aggression: Girl On Girl Bullying - Part 2

Part 1 of this article reviewed the "why" of girl on girl bullying and the term "relational aggression." Due to the fact that bullying usually starts at school it is necessary to examine how to address this issue at the school level. Further, what parents can do to access if their child is a victim and how to help them.

Many schools have zero tolerance policies regarding physically aggressive bullying but very few schools address relational aggression. The fact is that girls are less likely to physically bully one another. Girl on girl bullying is far more likely to consist of actions such as name-calling, spreading rumors, and attempts to socially ostracize the victim at school. And then continue to cyberbullying. Although cyber bullying will most likely not occur in school, the exception is text messaging, it will affect a student's scholastic performance. Schools must implement an anti-bullying policy that includes consequences for relational aggression.

Adolescents and teens are attempting to assert their independence and therefore less likely to tell parents things that happen at school to begin with. Parents need to stay engaged with their daughters. Take time to have discussions about what's happening at school, keep an eye on Internet and cell phone activity, and be proactive with teachers, counselors, and school administrators.

Signs your child may be a victim of cyberbullying:

Avoids the computer and cell phone or appears stressed when receiving an e-mail, instant message or text
Withdraws from family and friends or acts reluctant to attend school and social events
Exhibits signs of low self-esteem including depression and/or fear
Has declining grades
Has poor eating or sleeping habits

What you can do:

Tell your child not to respond to rude e-mails, messages and comments
Save the evidence, such as e-mail and text messages, and take screenshots of comments and images. Also, take note of the date and time when the harassment occurs
Contact your Internet service provider (ISP) or cell phone provider. Ask the website administrator or ISP to remove any Web page created to hurt your child
If harassment is via e-mail, social networking sites, IM, and chat rooms, instruct your child to "block" bullies or delete your child's current account and open a new one
If harassment is via text and phone messages, change the phone number and instruct your child to only share the new number with trustworthy people. Also, check out phone features that may allow the number to be blocked
Get your child's school involved. Learn the school's policy on cyberbullying and urge administrators to take a stance against all forms of bullying

For adolescents and teens: If you are the target of any type of bullying, the first thing that you need to realize is that it's not your fault. You are not alone, you do have power, and you can get help to stop the harassment. If you are afraid to tell your parents, please tell a trusted adult or call (800) 273-8255. For more tips on prevention and help with cyberbullying, please visit the National Crime Prevention Counsel website at www.stopcyberbullying.org.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Relational Aggression: Girl On Girl Bullying - Part 1

Alexis Pilkington was a popular 17-year-old and a well-liked athlete who had already landed a soccer scholarship to college. But none of that stopped Alexis from becoming the target of online girl on girl bullying. Alexis began to receive hundreds of nasty online comments via the social networking site Formspring.

In March 2010, Alexis committed suicide and although all agree that the online harassment was not the sole factor that led to Alexis' death, everyone does agree that it was a contributory factor.

Unfortunately Alexis' story is not unique. A 2010 study conducted for the Cyberbullying Research Center, (S. Hinduja, & J. W. Patchin, 2010). “Bullying, Cyberbullying, and Suicide,” states: "Without question, the nature of adolescent peer aggression has evolved due to the proliferation of information and communications technology. There have been several high profile cases involving teenagers taking their own lives in part because of being harassed and mistreated over the Internet. Cyberbullying victims were almost twice as likely to have attempted suicide compared to youth who had not experienced cyberbullying. Girls are 57% more likely to be victims of aggressive cyberbullying and 92% more likely to be the perpetrators."

Suicide is obviously the extreme and no one can minimize the tragedy of it. However there are other damages that occur as a result of aggressive bullying. It can damage self-esteem and lead to feelings of worthlessness, also increasing social isolation and leading victims to become withdrawn and depressed, anxious, and insecure. So what causes girls to be mean towards each other?

A term known as relational aggression may best describe the cause of girl on girl bullying. It starts with a clique usually led by a girl with a high level of social status and popularity. In order retain her position, she will use manipulation to control girls within the clique and take vicious actions if she feels threatened.

Looking into the dynamics of a clique it is easily assessed that one girl is the pack leader and the others will follow her actions or directives in order to retain their social standing within the clique. At the leader's directive the girls within the clique will, without question, instigate the spreading of rumors and lies, taunts, and use the silent treatment to harass other girls.

The bullying starts at school but will quickly go to cyberbullying due to anonymity and lack of retribution. Girls that would otherwise not call another girl a whore or slut or refer to her as ugly will easily do so in the anonymity of the Internet. Ultimately the cause boils down to the insecurity and jealousy of one girl and the twisted loyalty of members within her clique. Underneath the confident exterior of a female bully lie desperate insecurities.

Understanding the dynamics of cliques may help us to understand why girls are so mean to each other. But we then must ask what can be done to protect the victims and also what can be done to change the harmful behaviors of the female bully?

Friday, February 15, 2013

The Valentine’s Day Letdown: Is It Time To Move On?

Dr. Michelle Callahan

While many of your friends may have enjoyed receiving a sweet Valentine, your sweetie may have been quite a disappointment. I refer to this as the Valentine’s Day Letdown. What you thought was going to happen with your relationship, simply didn’t, and this has left you wondering if it’s time to move on.

What you may be experiencing is likely born from a lack of communication and unrealistic expectations. Moving in with your sweetie may have seemed like an awesome choice, but after the major Valentine’s Day Letdown, you now know that it’s time to move on. If you’ve reached the point where you’re attempting to figure out how to move on, fortunately you’re not alone, as relationship expert Dr. Michelle Callahan has shared advice with Journey To Self regarding the best way to figure out which one of the two of you should stay and who should go.

Dr. Michelle offers the following:

Who lived there first? Probably the easiest way to determine who should get the space is to decide based on who lived there first. The person whose name is on the lease usually gets first priority. If the person whose name is on the lease decides to give the space to their partner, that person should be sure to get the lease transferred to their name so they have a legal right to live there.
Who can afford to move? A recent study conducted by Rent.com found that 33 percent of renters said they continued to live with their former partner after a break-up because they couldn’t find an apartment they could afford. After sharing rent and household expenses, it becomes a challenge for people to save enough money to find an apartment they can afford on their own, in addition to moving expenses and a new security deposit.
Who needs the space? If one person works from home or cares for children or pets living in the home, that person likely has a greater need to maintain consistency and remain at that location. If the apartment is particularly close to one person’s job, that’s another benefit that might tip the scales in their direction.
Who loves the space the most? Sometimes one person has grown very personally attached to the space. They may have invested a lot of time in decorating or selecting that apartment and as a result they feel more attached to the space.
Who wants to separate sooner than later? The breakup may be more painful for one partner than the other. In that case, the person who finds it hardest to share the physical space with their Ex may be more likely to voluntarily leave the apartment in the interest of their own well-being.

Dr. Michelle is a renowned psychologist, author, and the host of “Wedlock or Deadlock” who is also a popular guest on Dr. Oz, Rachael Ray, The Talk, Oprah and the Today Show. For more tips about relationships, visit Dr. Michelle’s website at drmichelle.com.